jack-daniel05The following is an excerpt from "Simulating Conversations"

Summary: An evening of TV watching leads to an in-depth discussion of past sexual experiences for Jack and Daniel

Colonel O'Neill stood in the gate room with the rest of his team to bid farewell to earth's most recent visitors. His eyes shifted casually from Ke'ra and her companions, over to Daniel Jackson, whose plastered-on smile did little to camouflage his true feelings. The archeologist had been smitten by the pretty blonde soon after they'd met. Jack hadn't particularly liked the idea of Daniel becoming involved with a complete stranger from off world, especially after what had happened with that Shyla chick a few months earlier. He'd had a bad feeling from the start on this one. The fact that Ke'ra, nor anyone on her planet had any recollection of their past, made Jack more than just a tad uneasy. Still, he had been willing to give her the benefit of a doubt; that is, until they discovered who she really was. The destroyer of worlds wasn't exactly the type of girl you wanted your best friend to date.

Unfortunately, Daniel had already fallen for her, and now he was trying to ignore the fact that his heart was being broken once more. He stood for several moments after Ke'ra had journeyed back through the Stargate. Her memories of a past life of evil and cruelty had been successfully erased. Technically, she was safe to be around, but Daniel knew that neither he nor anyone else on base would ever be able to trust her completely. He sighed dejectedly, continuing to stare at the gate even after the wormhole had disengaged. Everyone else filed out of the gate room and returned to their normal duties as soon as the order was given to close the iris. Everyone else except Jack.

He sauntered up to Daniel with his hands deep inside his pockets, and after a moment of not knowing what else to say, finally asked, "Wanna go grab a beer?"

It was actually Jack's way of saying, "If you need to talk, I'll listen, or if you want to get shit-faced drunk, I'll drive." Daniel wasn't sure he wanted to share his feelings at the moment, but getting drunk seemed like a good idea. He gave a nod of his head, then felt a hand on his shoulder, guiding him out of the gate room.

During the drive, Daniel was saved from engaging in conversation when Jack tuned the radio to an oldies' station and allowed the sounds of the sixties to fill the air. They didn't end up at a bar as expected, but instead, pulled up in the driveway of Jack's home. It was probably for the best, Daniel thought. He knew Jack would have his own supply of alcoholic beverages, and if the archeologist should drink himself sick, a clean toilet and comfortable bed were also available.

They walked silently into the house, where the gracious host took his jacket to hang up, then pointed him towards the living room couch. While Jack went to the kitchen for refreshments, Daniel made himself comfortable on the sofa. He knew that he had been brought there to talk, but at the same time, if he didn't feel like opening up, he knew the issue wouldn't be forced. Soon, he found an opened beer bottle in his hand and his team leader seated directly across from him in an oversized chair.

"So," said Jack after taking a quick swig of beer. "You okay?"

"Sure," Daniel replied unconvincingly. He drank some of his beer, then began picking at the label on the bottle.

"Daniel, I'd just like to say one thing in reference to today's events, then I'll leave it alone. The next time someone threatens to kill you, promise me you won't stand there and paint yourself a bull's-eye for them."

"Jack, I knew she wasn't going to kill me."

"Daniel, even she didn't know what she was going to do," Jack raised his voice in exasperation. "Once her memory was restored, she wasn't the same woman you first met back on that planet. I know you wanted her to be but that just wasn't in the cards." Sensing that he was coming on stronger than he intended, Jack changed tactics and lowered his voice. "I'm sorry. I honestly wished things could have worked out for you two. It was nice seeing you happy again. I miss that. Can't even recall the last time I actually heard you giggle."

Daniel smiled shyly. "Yeah, it was kind of nice. She and I just connected so easily. Not a bad kisser either."


"She wanted to kiss me before she got her memory back in case she discovered that she was probably already married or something. At least, that I could've handled a lot better."

"One thing still bothers me," Jack confessed. "You think that amnesia serum that Carter came up with, really worked? Or do you think that maybe Ke'ra/Linea was only pretending to have no memory again so that we would let her go back to the planet? She could just be biding her time, waiting for a more convenient opportunity to continue with her destroying of worlds."

"She wasn't faking," Daniel spoke with certainty. "I could see it in her eyes. Linea was gone and Ke'ra had taken her place. But you know, I almost wish we'd had more time to talk to Linea, to find out why she did the things she did; what made her like that. Ke'ra was her complete opposite, so it just makes me wonder how such a sweet and caring woman could evolve to be evil incarnate."

"That's like asking what made the Grinch hate Christmas so much. Maybe Linea's shoes were too tight or her heart was two sizes too small. Or maybe it's just one of those things where you really, really don't want to know."

"Maybe," Daniel blew out a deep sigh and took another swallow of his beer.

Deciding to change the subject, Jack said, "You know, it's been awhile since we played a nice game of chess. How about it?"

Daniel shook his head tiredly. "I don't think I can concentrate well enough. Besides, the last time we played, I saw a Goa'uld darting inside your ear."

"Oh yeah," Jack replied with a distasteful grimace. "Television it is then," he decided as he picked up the remote from the coffee table and turned on the TV. "Let's see what's on." As he scanned through the channels, he called out their options for viewing. "Okay, you have your choice of basketball, hockey, more basketball, a bad Arnold Swarzenagger movie...hey, MacGyver."

"MacGyver? What's that?"

"You've never heard of MacGyver?"

"Probably not in the same context as to what you're referring."

"Basically, he's a globetrotting do-gooder who can build anything from a time bomb to a small airplane out of the stuff he finds in someone's garage."

"Oh, so that's what Sam meant when she said that they had to MacGyver the dial up system for the Stargate."

"Yep, you got it."

"He looks kind of like General Hammond."

"No, not him. MacGyver's the tall one with the hair. Interestingly enough, I've been told by a few people that I look just like him."

"Really?" Daniel looked from the TV screen to Jack, then back again, tilting his head and squinting his eyes. "Okay, I can see it a little, I guess. He's a lot younger though. But what's with that hairstyle?"

"It was the eighties."

Daniel nodded his understanding, then followed his host's example and kicked off his shoes, propped his feet on the coffee table and slouched down into a more comfortable position to watch the show. Ten minutes later, the scene where MacGyver was about to do something clever with a pocket knife, was suddenly replaced by electronic snow.

"What'd you do?" asked Daniel.

"Nothing." Jack used the remote to scan up and down the channels, finding nothing but snow on each one. He got up and checked all the connections, coming to one inevitable conclusion. "The damn cable's gone out!" he grumbled.

"Maybe it's only temporary. Just give it a few minutes."

Jack gave it a few minutes, then finally decided to put a call in to the cable company, which confirmed his fears. They were experiencing technical difficulties in his neighborhood, but his service would be restored as soon as possible.

"Great!" Jack growled as he hung up the phone. "Apparently, it's just affecting this area. The service in your neighborhood should be okay."

"I don't have cable."

"You don't? That's barbaric," Jack scowled.

Daniel shrugged his shoulders. "I don't watch TV that much. And when I do, PBS pretty much does it for me. And whatever station that shows Xena, Warrior Princess."

"You watch Xena, Warrior Princess?"

"On occasion. She's very attractive and she's got this Amazon thing going on. I admit she seems kind of butch in a way, but at the same time she's still...um...ah...."

"Hot?" Jack filled in the blank.

Unable to think of a better way to phrase it, Daniel concurred. "Yeah, hot." He stood and went over to the entertainment center, then began perusing the videos he found on the shelves. "Why don't we just put on a video," he suggested over his shoulder.

"Fine. Whatever."

Daniel picked up a cassette that was already out of its box and lying on top of a stack of others. He stuck the tape into the video player, hit the play button, then returned to his spot on the sofa. "I put on 'Coming to America.' I think I've heard of it before. A comedy, right?"

"Yes, 'Coming to America' is a comedy starring Eddie Murphy. It's a good one, I might add. Only, I don't own that particular movie. This happens to be 'Coming In America.' And that lovely young lady there is nicknamed America, the Beautiful. This is an adult film, Daniel."

"Oh. Well, I guess that would explain why she's naked and touching herself."

"It would indeed."


Okay the story gets a little more adult from this point on, so if you're interesting in reading more, you'll have to leave this site and head on over to Area 52hkh, a giant archive of adult Stargate fan fiction. All five parts of Stimulating Conversation can be found here.