Mulder leaned in a bit closer to Scully as he unfurled his plan. "Listen, they don't know that I've discovered the bug yet. I was thinking that maybe we should just give them what they want. We do a transgression thing where you go back to your childhood and remember something completely harmless. You declare that your nightmares are gone and I declare you another one of my success stories. We allow them to eavesdrop on the sessions in my office--"
"While in the meantime, we meet someplace secretly and have real sessions where I recall real memories."
Mulder smiled, impressed that she correctly finished his thoughts. "And if you should remember that black lung bastard as the one who kidnapped you and your sister, maybe we'll have time to find some way of proving it. Is that a plan?"
"Can I ask one question?"
"What?"
"Why didn't you accept his offer to begin with? After all, forty thousand dollars is a lot of money."
Mulder tilted his head slightly and observed her curiously. "You really think so?" he asked innocently.
Scully shook her head, then said, "I just wouldn't want you to risk your family's safety or your own for that matter because of me."
"Do you want to remember what really happened to your sister?" Her eyes spoke for her. Mulder nodded in return, then reached out and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Then I'll help you."
For the first time, as Scully felt her doctor's gracefully long fingers cup her hand, she noticed just how handsome a man he was. At their first meeting, she had been too preoccupied with the case she had been working on to take notice. If asked to give a description of him back then, she would have stated only the basics of height, weight, skin, hair and eye color. At that time, she had seen him only as a possible source of information. And later when she sought him out for psychological help, all she saw was a capable shrink who possessed a deep affinity for his patients. Now, what she saw as he sat with his face barely a foot away from hers, was a six-foot, slender, dark-haired dreamboat with a faint smile tugging at sensually, full lips and sexy, greenish-brown eyes holding her in a tender gaze.
For the first time since they'd met, Scully saw Dr. Mulder not as a doctor or as part of a case, but as a highly desirable, hot-blooded male. And for an instant she let herself imagine that he was as attracted to her as she was to him. But she allowed the idea to quickly fade. He was merely showing her the same concern she had seen him display earlier with Darnell. He suffered from an unhealthy and unprofessional syndrome of getting too involved with his patients' lives. He probably had a house full of stray cats he'd taken in off the streets as well. He was simply a man with a kind heart and couldn't restrain himself from putting it to good use.
Scully had no idea how long she had sat there watching him watch her, feeling his thumb absently caress the back of her hand. She had even forgotten who had spoken last and what was said. The act of someone setting a plate of salad in front of her brought her out of her trance. It seemed to do the same for the doctor and he sat back in his seat some, his focus switched to the basket of bread rolls and butter pads which had just arrived. For a while, food took center stage. Scully dined on her salad and Mulder pacified his hunger with a buttered roll until the main course showed up.
Normally, Scully would have been too self-conscious to eat a meal as messy as barbecued ribs in any place other than a casual family get-together. But here in front of Dr. Mulder, she had no qualms about picking her food up with her hands and tearing into it unabashedly. In fact, her doctor encouraged her to let loose her inhibitions and not worry about what others thought, including him. At one point, he reached out an index finger and wiped an unbecoming glob of red sauce from the corner of his dinner companion's mouth. He brought the sauced-up finger to is own lips and licked it clean, only afterwards thinking of it as inappropriate behavior. He caught the shocked look on Scully's face.
"I'm sorry," he apologized while blushing noticeably. "I... uh... I was experiencing a bout of deja vu."
"Did you use to come here with your wife?"
"The first one, yeah."
"Do I remind you of her?"
"Not at all. Cheryl was the super-model type. She was blonde, buxom, legs that went on forever, absolutely gorgeous...." His voice trailed off in fond remembrance, completely unaware that he'd just made the woman across from him feel closely related to Porky Pig.
At least she knew his type now. She knew she had never stood a chance with him anyway. "What happened with you two?" Scully found herself asking. Mulder shrugged carelessly. "Ahh, it was sort of iffy from the start. I was unfortunate enough to fall in love too quickly and marry rather hastily to a woman I had assumed would enjoy bearing my children and living in suburban splendor with me for the rest of her life. She told me when we first met that I wasn't her type, but I insisted that I was. Found out the hard way that she had been right all along."
"And what was her type?" Scully asked.
"Oh, you know, the thrill-seeking, suave, man of the world, lethal weapon type."
"You mean James Bond?"
"Yeah, and my English accent really sucks. We lasted all of eight months before she got bored enough to finally do something about it."
"You think maybe that you were simply blinded by her beauty?"
"That's a possibility. Every time I introduced her to someone, they'd comment on how lucky I was. I guess I was just anxious to settle down and start a family and unconsciously tried to make her fit the mold."
"Well, of course you're not the first to make that kind of mistake," Scully remarked as sort of a lame pep talk. She knew she'd never make much of a counselor.
Mulder was quiet for a moment, letting the iced tea cool the spicy tingling in his mouth. He caught Scully by surprise once again when he stated rather somberly, "You remind me of my second wife." When she looked at him questioningly, he added, "The hair. Same color, nearly the same style."
"Oh." She blushed without knowing why. "Was that another hasty union?"
"No. No, that was a union made in heaven. She passed away two years ago."
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. What happened to her?" Scully inquired, then regretted the intrusion instantly. "I'm sorry, that's none of my business."
"No, it's okay. She uh... she suffered from anorexia nervosa. I never realized it until much later. I used to buy her these tight, skimpy little outfits to wear at home for me and I was always telling her how beautiful she looked in them. And I can remember teasing her more than once about getting fat. She asked what would I do if she were to gain fifty pounds or so. I jokingly told her that I'd have to go out and find someone else who could fit into all her leftover sexy clothes." Mulder shook his head sadly. "Definitely not the right thing to say to someone who's deathly self-conscious about their appearance. When she became pregnant, it was more than she could handle. The thought of gaining all that weight.... She stopped eating altogether. She miscarried in her second month; died of complications brought on by her malnutrition a week later. I tried everything to help her but nothing worked. It was too little too late."
"You blame yourself for her death, don't you?"
"I talked to her mother and found out that Amanda's eating disorder began when she was twelve. By age eighteen, after years of therapy, she had it completely under control. Ten years of eating like a normal person and then I come along and instantly destroy her confidence in herself. I made her feel that I'd only love her as long as she didn't go beyond a size five. Truth be known, I'd always thought she was a bit on the skinny side. I felt she could have used an extra ten pounds at least, but I never told her so. I'm sure she'd be alive today if I had. So, yes, I do blame myself for her death. She just wanted so much to please me."
"Blaming yourself won't bring her back," Scully needlessly informed him.
"No, but it helps to remind me not to be quite so careless of other peoples' emotions. I believe it's made me better at my job. I put my patients' well-being first."
"Is that why you want to help me? It helps to ease your guilt?"
"Does it matter why I want to help you? Isn't it enough that I just do?"
Scully actually felt the sincerity emanating from him and she nodded. "Yes, it is. Thank you."
"You're welcome.... By the way, there's just one more thing I should tell you."
Scully frowned, sensing bad news. "What is it?"
"You remember when I said that I thought partners were suppose to watch each others' backs?"
"Yes."
"I think you'd be better off watching your own back. I saw Krychek with the smoker. I imagine he's why old Smoky knows that you're seeing me in the first place. Are you sure you didn't let it slip to Krychek?"
"No. Of course not. If he found out, it's because he went through my purse and sneaked a peek at my appointment book. "
"My guess is that Smoky has probably always been keeping an eye on you from a distance. You know the old saying, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?' He wanted to keep you close in case you started to remember what happened all those years ago. Krychek was probably just your basic asshole, but I'll bet you another rib dinner that someone with nicotine breath waved a few grand under his nose and encouraged him to spy on you."
"That little rat bastard," Scully fumed.
January 22 - Dr. Mulder's House - 11:00 a.m.
Scully agreed to meet Mulder at his home on Sunday for her hypnotherapy session. He was on the phone talking another patient through a mild crisis when she arrived. He indicated for her to make herself at home while he took his phone conversation into the kitchen. Scully took off her coat and placed it with her purse on one end of the couch, then sat down and scooped up a recent psychology magazine to peruse while she waited. After ten minutes, the doctor came to the doorway of the living room with the cordless phone still to his ear. He mouthed his apology to her and raised his hand to indicate five more minutes.
"No hurry," Scully whispered back.
He moved slowly back into the dining room towards the kitchen, quietly offering a "Mmh uh," whenever appropriate.
Scully viewed his rear appreciatively. He wore a black turtleneck sweater, jeans and socks with no shoes. She had already thought that he looked especially dashing in a suit, but his casual side was even more alluring. Once he had disappeared around the corner of the kitchen, Scully let out a small sigh. She needed to keep her mind off such things. He was her doctor, a professional. He saw her only as a patient and nothing more.
When another five minutes had come and gone, Scully decided to get up and stretch her legs. She took a stroll around the living room, examining statuettes, wall paintings, vacation memorabilia and framed photographs. The one that caught her attention most of all was a wedding picture of Dr. Mulder and his angelic, auburn-haired bride. She was model-thin, but not so tall. With heels, her head reached just under her groom's chin. They seemed a happy couple, their eternal love for each other radiated in their eyes. Scully felt remorse, not so much for the late Mrs. Mulder who suffered so much in life, but more for the broken-hearted, guilt-ridden widower she had left behind.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," said Mulder as he made a sudden entrance into the room, startling his guest.
Scully jumped slightly at the sound of his voice and turned away from the pictures on the mantle. "No, it's all right. I don't mind."
"One of my patients was having second thoughts about his nuptials. It's not an easy thing telling the pre-wedding jitters from the 'this is really a big mistake,' syndrome, even though I've experienced both."
He pretended to ignore the fact that Scully had been checking out his wedding picture. He had meant to put it away earlier, but the phone call made him forget. He hadn't had many visitors to the house, especially of the attractive, single female variety. He didn't want her to think that he was still mourning over his dead wife. The picture had been there so long that it had become just part of the room, a decorative touch that he took for granted. Luckily, she didn't make any mention of it, and he wasn't going to give her an opportunity.
"Have you had breakfast yet?" he asked.
"I slept late. I only had time for my morning coffee."
"I have a little brunch set up in the kitchen, if you'd like to join me. It's not much, but I think you need to eat something. A stomach full of caffeine won't be too helpful when I'm trying to put you under."
She didn't argue with him. Her stomach was already growling. She thought she could hold out until after the session when she planned to grab a bite at the mall before she went shopping. She went with him into the sunny kitchen and surveyed the tray of sliced ham, cheese, crackers and fruit wedges. She copied his actions, filling a plate with food, then going over to sit at the breakfast nook in front of the bay window with a charming view of a small, backyard garden.
"This is really a beautiful home you have here, Dr. Mulder," said Scully, enjoying an orange wedge. "Did you decorate it yourself?
"I'll tell you, I watched this program on PBS once about the mating habits of birds. The Australian bowerbird really stuck in my mind. Do you know how the male bowerbird attracts a mate?"
Scully arched an inquisitive brow and shook her head. She had no idea what the mating habits of the male bowerbird had to do with the question, but it seemed to please her doctor to be able to share his educational TV knowledge with her.
"The male bowerbird, in order to attract the females, has to build a really great looking nest. Every twig has to be the right size and shape and placed in just the right spot. It has to be roomy enough and it has to have the right decorative touches of color and texture before a female bowerbird will even step inside to inspect it. And if it doesn't stand up to her scrutiny, she trashes it and the poor male bird has to start all over again. So, the very next day after watching that program, I went out and hired an interior decorator."
Scully chuckled lightly and said, "Well, you have a very lovely nest, Doctor. I wouldn't dream of trashing it. I mean, if I were a prospective mate," Scully was quick to add, relieved to see her doctor nod understandably.
"My decorator would be delighted to hear that."
For the next ten minutes, the conversation remained light. Once they'd finished eating, Mulder escorted his patient into the study which was like a smaller version of his office. He had her to lie down on the couch and placed a small pillow beneath her head. He got his tape recorder ready and pulled up a chair right in front of her so she wouldn't have to strain her neck to see him.
"You're looking a little nervous," he told her as he sat down with pad and pen.
"I always get a little nervous before I'm hypnotized," Scully smiled weakly.
"Are you sure you still want to go through with this?"
His look of concern and a small voice in the back of her mind made her question her decision once more. After a few seconds of contemplation, her answer was the same. "Yes. I want to remember."
"All right. Let's see how it goes."
Scully fell into the trance easily as the soothing repetitive sounds of her doctor's voice lulled her into a sense of complete relaxation. At his careful prompting, she became a little girl again, roughhousing with her brothers at one point and later sharing Barbie doll fashion tips with her big sister. Her memories were pleasant to begin with until she was asked to recall one special night in particular.
"Daddy was away at sea," she began, still in a calm state of mind. "My brothers were off on a weekend Boy Scout camping trip, leaving the women folk all alone. But we didn't mind. Me, Mom and Melissa had a good time together until...."
"Until what, Dana? Tell me what happened to ruin your good time."
"It... it was late, and Mom had kissed us good-night and turned off the light. She use to leave the bedroom door wide opened until I told her that it was a fire hazard. In case of fire in another part of the house, it helps keep out smoke and flames if the door is closed. I learned that at school."
"That's a very smart safety tip," said Mulder. "So the bedroom door was closed and you and your sister were asleep. Was there something that may have awaken you?"
"A light. A very bright light coming through the window. And there is someone in the room. I see him standing over Melissa. I want to call to her and tell her to wake up but... I can't. I can't scream. I can't move."
"The person who is standing over your sister, can you see his face? Can you tell me what he looks like?"
"He's strange-looking. He's little and very skinny. He looks like a ghost. No clothes, all gray with very long arms and legs."
Mulder frowned at the description but prompted for more information. "Can you see his face? Describe his face."
Scully grimaced as the face she'd seen so many years ago came to view in her mind. "His head is so large, like it should be a helmet, but he has a tiny chin and a small straight line for a mouth. His eyes are like giant, cat eyes only they're completely black.... He doesn't look real."
"What is he doing, Dana? Does he hurt your sister?"
"He's pointing something at her and she starts to float in the air. They're taking her out the window."
"They? Is there more than one of them?"
"There must be. Someone is touching my hair, my face... and I want to scream for my mom but I can't. And I look up at the ceiling and it's getting closer... and I want to scream. I just want to scream!"
Hearing the terror building in her voice, Mulder decides that he should bring her out of the trance. He does so gently, easing her mentally away from the past and its horrors and delivering her safely back into the present. He chose not to leave her with full recollection of what she had just experienced. He felt it would be too overwhelming for her to deal with on her own. Instead, he had her to forget all that she had related to him. He would prepare her first, then allow her to hear her own words on tape.
Several minutes later, Dr. Mulder sat in silence and watched for her reaction as Dana Scully listened to her own comments played back on the tape. Her lips were parted with only semi-formed questions poised at the tip of her tongue. She gazed at him in total bewilderment, then suddenly broke out in nervous laughter.
"Wow! Kidnapped by aliens. That's a good one, huh? Guess I need to stop reading those tabloids while I'm waiting in the grocery store checkout line."
"You don't believe that that was an authentic memory you just recovered?"
"Authentic memory?" She looked at him incredulously. "You expect me to believe that I was kidnapped by little green men?"
"No, of course not. You described them as being little gray men," Mulder stated with a tiny smile.
"Wait a minute. You're not... you're not actually suggesting that you consider the possibility of my being abducted by aliens as...."
"Possible? There was a time when space travel in itself was considered impossible. Whose to say that a more advanced civilization with higher technology than our own doesn't already exist somewhere among the cosmos?"
"And why with all that advanced technology would they come here and kidnap little girls?"
Mulder shrugged. "I guess every society has its perverts. But if it makes you feel any better, you're not alone. You may be very interested in knowing that I happen to have five other patients who have had very similar experiences. I've formed this 'Close Encounters' discussion group with them where they can get together and share their feelings with others who've been there, who understand what it's like to not be taken seriously by the general public."
"You're feeding their psychosis?"
"Psychosis? What? Are you saying that you don't believe you were abducted?"
"Yes, I know I was abducted, but certainly not by aliens."
"But you heard yourself on the tape. How do you explain what you remembered just now?"
"What I remember was a bad dream. Nothing more. And I can't believe that a man with your education and intelligence would even consider it to be anything more. Those other patients, how could you do that to them? How could you let them believe in something so ludicrous?"
"Look, I understand your skepticism. I was skeptical too when I met the first person in the group. I treated this woman just like you would have expected me to treat her, like she was imagining things or hallucinating. But the more I worked with her, the more I started to doubt my own theories. She passed a polygraph test, and she's taken thorough physical examinations in which the results were inconclusive and somewhat disturbing. Three women and two men from different parts of the country, each with nearly identical stories to tell, each with reoccurring dreams and matching medical anomalies.
"Agent Scully, I'm not talking poorly educated, lonely people looking for some attention and their face on the cover of 'The Globe.' These people would give anything for this not to have happened to them. And trust me, I didn't put the thoughts into their heads. They came to me with their experiences, just looking for someone who wouldn't laugh at them or measure them for a straight jacket. I just want you to know that you don't have to be afraid I won't take you seriously."
Scully shook her head. This was too much. The man was an absolute fruit basket. Without bothering to tell him as much, she got up to leave.
"Where are you going?"
"Home. Thank you for your time, Dr. Mulder. You've been a great help but I don't think it's necessary for us to continue any further."
Mulder was surprised at how fast his apparent ex-patient's little legs could carry her. She was nearly to the front door before he caught up to her. He could feel her tense up when he placed a hand on her arm.
"Wait. Please. Dana, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable with all this talk about alien abduction. I know it's not an easy thing to accept. And I guess I can't blame you any for thinking that maybe I'm not altogether sane myself. But if there's ever been any other missing time in your life since your childhood that you can't account for, I seriously recommend that you consider getting x-rays taken of your nasal cavities."
Scully dented her brows in confusion. She was actually beginning to become frightened of him. To appease his madness, she merely nodded and said, "I'll be sure to do that." She then hurried out of the door.
Mulder was tempted to follow her and continue to plead his case, but he had seen the fear and mistrust in her eyes. He had blown it. Undoubtedly now she thought he was a nut. He should have held back. He should have given her the time needed to fully digest her restored memories and come to her own conclusions. He should have kept his mouth shut about his alien abductee patients. She was definitely not ready to hear about them, and that part about x-raying her nasal cavities certainly couldn't have won him any brownie points. He watched from his window as she drove off like a fireman on his way to a three-alarmer. He knew that they were no longer doctor and patient. He had been looking forward to that at one point because he would have felt free to pursue her on a more intimate level. But now, he somehow didn't quite see her swooning over that prospect.
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